Arrogant Images

Arrogant Images
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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Art of StoryTelling Pt. V: A Manifesto

I wrote this in 2008 for autobiographical class I was enrolled in. I think I've definitely developed as writer since I wrote this but I decided to now because the words are still so relevant to my life. I just want this do be the prequel to the series I'm doing on Ambition in the coming weeks... STAY TUNED

Manifesto: a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issue

I count four times. The first two times I tried, I didn’t go that far. Ghetto Dreams is just down the street on West Bellfort. The second time, I rode all the way to the north side of town to Dago’s. The last time, I just bailed on Kelsey, so I really can’t tell you where Addicted to Ink is. That makes four times in the past two years I’ve been to various tattoo parlors across Houston attempting to get Philippians 1:6 tattooed on my left foot. I’ve been in the chair twice and changed my mind. This is after 2 years of deciding what I wanted my tattoo to say, and a year of deciding where I wanted it.

Philippians 1:6 reads "for I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it” in the New International Version. The Message bible reads” there has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” I fell in love with the first translation my senior year in high school, and by the time I finished the year, the second translation captured my heart forever. This is when I passionately decided I wanted to tattoo my newly found axiom of life on my foot, so as I made my journey down the long road of life, the Lord can guide my path and keep me on his plan.

Ironically my fear to take the step of getting this tattoo parallels my life. As I’ve matured, I’ve begun to understand what Marianne Williamson meant when she said “our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” But I wouldn’t call what I have a fear . Fears are reserved for people who don’t like spiders or are afraid of the dark. I have a full blow horrific terror that I was destined to do a host of great things and accomplish a multitude of achievements and will fall terribly short of completing that destiny. First I fault Kanye West for the perpetuation of this fear in my life. Sometimes I can’t listen to the lyrics of his song “All Falls Down” without bursting into tears.

“Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny

Now, tell me that ain't insecure

The concept of school seems so secure

Sophomore three years ain’t picked a career
She like eff it, I'll just stay down here and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure

Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus (a Lexus)
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve

And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well”
–Kanye West, “All Falls Down”

And while I’m sure thousands of college students across the country have felt like this at some point, I feel like this man has been tapping my phone calls, text message, hacking into my Facebook and reading my mind. I am that girl who barely has enough money to pay her rent, but her closet is overflowing with clothes with the tags still on them. I’m the girl who has millions of passions but cannot seem to translate them into one specific major and definitely not a career. And sadly I am the girl who has an enormous amount of talents ranging from graphic design to styling hair and really hasn’t benefited from anything.

I am what I’ve began to call the “self-conscious self-confident”. In all this I don’t get down on myself, because I am also confident in the plans God has for me, but I’m scared to death that it must just take a rapture from heaven for them to come into fruition. I think my confidence exudes from me. It’s pouring out of me in such a large amount that is often confused with arrogance. I’ve been called arrogant on many occasions by everyone; friends, former friends, and foes. I really hate the word arrogance because it’s always connected with superiority and the awful disease we know as narcissism. I am not arrogant. I don’t put myself on any pedestal on which I look down on my peers as if they are my subjects. I simply understand that greatness is hidden deep inside of all of us, and I’ve embraced the task of finding it and releasing it. So I have adopted yet another Kanye West quote as a part my self motivation.

“Some say he’s arrogant.
Can you blame him?

It was straight embarrassing how the played him.
I could let you dream killers kill my self-esteem
or I could use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams”
– Kanye West “Last Call”

When I was about ten years old, a visiting minister at my church called me and my mother to the altar to give us a word of prophecy. He told my mother to invest in a computer for me because something great would come from my hands. His words replay in my head almost as often as my mother replayed the tape of sermon after we got home. I believe in prophetic gifts from the people of God, and I also believe in the power our words have. Thus, I’ve accepted his proclamation over my life, and I believe it.

But as I sit here typing on my mother’s investment, I am still waiting on the manifestation of those words. My beliefs are simple. I believe in the power of God. I believe that in His infinite wisdom and undying love for us that he set forth a great purpose and destiny for each of us. I believe that He works through us and therefore we have the power to fulfill that destiny. I believe that because I am made in the image and likeness of a powerful, beautiful God I am entitled to operate with all the power he has. Thus, I have to let my faith in my beliefs prove strong and continue to believe that God will be faithful to complete the great works he began in me.

So I ask myself, “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world we are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. “-Marianne Williamson

Maybe the fifth time will be the charm.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

[My] Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Your words were a hyperbole
Wrapped in passion
Magnified by lust
Masquerading as love
And I believed the exaggeration
I dreamed the larger than life fallacy in which the impossible you and me could exist
A Dark Fantasy
Instead everyday I awake to this
A sad reality

Can love not handle me?
It seems that our endeavors together always end in tragedy
And I’ve never seemed to experience its Power
Never has it been able to rapture me
But in my dreams I’ve been caught up
Engulfed in All of the Lights
And as soon as my emotions begin to take flight
I wake up
Back to living this Hell of a Life

Am I a Monster to you?
Unfit for affection
Lacking beauty
Not Gorgeous enough for your connection?
For so long you allowed me to misunderstand
With no correction
But as soon as the passionate fire begins to boil over like convection
You Runaway
Leaving me open and alone
With no protection

But because I am the dreamer I play the Blame Game with myself
Casting me as the villain
Being content with playing the role of the Devil in a New Dress
And with my mouth lies I confess
“I couldn’t haven’t the best”
“I don’t want you to settle for less”
And in my mind I am So Appalled not only by these words
But that to them you don’t even attempt to correct

And I’ve grown to expect nothing more and nothing less
Because your words are only words
Even at their best
Though they were a hyperbole
Wrapped in passion
Magnified by lust
Masquerading as love
And I still believed the exaggeration
Because I am Lost In the World
A dream world where only our love could happen
And I will continue to dream the larger than life fallacy in which the impossible you and me could exist
Because this is My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Needless to say, I thought the album was dope. Well more than dope, more like EPIC, actually something like a masterpiece. Hats off to Sir Kanye West.

Monday, November 22, 2010

#Nowplaying Ambition

1. Wale - “Ambitious Girl”

2. SOS Music Group featuring Nique - “Overdriven”

3. Jay Electronica featuring Jay-Z “Shiny Suit Theory”

4. Kanye West featuring Pusha T, Big Sean, Cyhi Da Prynce, J. Cole “Looking for Trouble”

5. Kanye West featuring Kid Cudi & Raekwon- Gorgeous

6.J Cole - “Premeditated Murder”

7. Jay-Z - “American Gangster (title track to American Gangster the album)”

8. J Cole - “Unabomber”

9. The Niceguys - “10,000 Hours”

10. Lupe Fiasco featuring Young Jeezy, & T.I. – “Superstar Remix”

11. Outkast – “Elevators”

12. Andre 300 – “Life and times of Andre Benjamin pt. I”

13. J Cole – “Dollar and a Dream”

14. SOS Music Group “We got this”

15. Kanye West featuring Brandy – “Bring Me Down”

16. Wale – “The Power”

17. Kanye West featuring GLC & Consequence) “Spaceship”

18. Jay-Z featuring Pharell – “So Ambitious”

19. Drake- “Fear”

20. Kanye West “I wonder”

21. Lauryn Hill “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”

22. Drake featuring Andreena Mills- “Closer to my Dreams”

23. Kanye West - "Last Call"

SOS Music "Thought Experiment download

Eyes Wide Shut

Legs wide open
Eyes wide shut
Some things are deeper than the feeling in your gut
She’s living for the thrill of the night
Longing for something to make her body feel right
Priding herself on the area that supposedly so tight
So she stands in the spotlight every night, in every dark club
And yes, the DJ does always show her love
Cause she’s the best late night hype
She’s clothed and fitted to the tee
She’s every man’s dream
She can make you think she’s who you want to be
Supposedly, the definition of beauty, style, and class
But her fans see nothing but that ass
And it can only be assumed that good girls finish last

But her legs are wide open
And eyes wide shut
Some things are deeper than the feeling in your gut
Her body is a temple and everyone is a priest
They sit down at her table to feast
Pass a breast, pass a thigh
Worthwhile guys pass her by
But the others don’t care
They continue to contributed to the wear and tear
Never do they dare to take her home
She will never share the thrown
She is always left in a pool of herself, alone
She can’t phone home
She’s too embarrassed of all she’s done wrong
She’s scared she will be placed on the stake to burn
Their respect can never be re-earned
Now she is stuck with a scarlet letter stain
And forced to carry around the burden that is her pain

Sadly, her legs are wide open
Eyes wide shut
Some things are deeper than the feeling in your gut
Self-esteem has disappeared
Her fear in God has not been revered
Her reputation has been smeared
She is the accumulation of her worst fears
A loveless beauty
A lifeless spirit
She’s crying out and no one hears it

#nowplaying Jill Scott "Epiphany"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

[black] girl pt. II

I am vanilla bean
Coffee cream
Peanut butter
Caramel drop

Mocha latte
dark chocolate and everything flavor and shade in between

I am you full lipped
Thick hipped
Wide nosed with a
Booty that makes you stop and say hello

I am your bow legged
pigeon toed
Twisting my hips
Walking with a switch
Snapping my fingers and pumping my fist

I’m what they call thick

My body curves like cursive words

Evoking curse words from everybody who see it

I am your Shaniqua’s , your Cheyenne’s
Your Nefertiti’s , your Nicole’s
Your Keisha, and your Kennedy
I’m your Williams, Jacksons, Jenkins, Abdul’s, Mohammad’s, and your Winfrey’s

I’m your “that boy ain’t shhhhh!”
And “girrrrrrrl you betta quick!”

I’m your little sister
I’m your tacky auntie
I’m your best friend
I’m that other woman who took your man
I’m the grandma, I’m the cousin, I’m the baby’s mama and the child too

I’m that updo
I’m the braids
The jerri curl

The tapered fade
The natural waves
The big fro
And the hair weave that goes for days

I’m your confidant
Your sorority sister
Your hairdresser
And your favorite singer

I am that head scarf and house coat
Fitted tees & tight jeans
I’m the manicured nails
I’m driving that hoopty that never fails

And I’m pushing that range rover smelling like Chanel

I’m a dancer
I’m your cook

I’m the definition sexy,

I read and wrote the book

I’m eloquent enough for any Alpha

I’m sultry enough for any Nupe

I’m nasty enough for any Que

I’m crunk enough for any Sigma

I’m Iota radical, I coulda been a centaur too

I was your queen and your slave

I’m the great gorgeous Cleopatra

and Aunt Jemima with durags and 2 braids
I’m your forefathers who paved the way

I’m your celebrity
And your senator

I am your Oscar award winner

I’m your first lady
And the first lady
I’m the mother of earth

From my womb all nations were birthed

I’ve shed your tears
I’ve lived your fears
I am a life changer
I am the cultural re-arranger

I’m your doctor
I’m your lawyer
I’m you deep thinker
I’m your white wine drinker

I’m your ambitious girl

Forget what you’ve heard

I’m not your whore
I’m not your trick
And I will not be subjugated or called bitch

I’m beautiful in every sense of the word

My very presence evokes passion.

I live like the verb.

I’m your EVE.
All great things come from me.

I’m a black girl
You better ask about me.

I didn't write this poem

I couldn’t write this poem because I’m empty

I asked myself where your creativity?

No metaphor. No simile.

All that’s on my mind is PhD

and the GRE

And 2 jobs

and a To Do List that reads at the top


And term papers, and study groups, and trying to figure out the square root of 22

And being pretty sure that my philosophy professor hates me because class starts at 10:30

And I walk in at a quarter till faithfully…

See I really am empty, I can’t write this poem

No creativity.

No metaphor. No simile.

Damn sure no alliteration

Just instigation & frustration brought on by my so-called friends here in the Sooner Nation

Who are growing constantly impatient because that can’t use me quick enough

Hey Lauren, can I get a buck

And a ride to pick my homeboy up

Or better yet, just let me use your car

Because what you do for me is how I measure how good of a friend you are

See why I can’t write this poem

See this why I am empty…lack of creativity

No metaphor, no simile,

No love story, no passion just constant clashing

Because your boyfriend thinks you’re a joke

And you best friends called you a whore

And now that you little brothers no long 4, he doesn’t look up to you any more

Add this family drama

and multiply it by how pissed off I get when people hate on Obama

and how fed up I get with Soulja Boy

and other punch line rhymers

and how angry I am to hear that my little cousin has a baby’s momma that I have no words.

No verbs no metaphors, no similes

Lack of creativity

& Life is distracting me from writing my poetry…

But then it hits me like a symbols clashing in a symphony That life is in fact a mystery, stories woven together creating a beautiful tapestry Each of which speak to the artist in me, and ignite my creativity, and propels me to use my circumstances and write this poetic testimony Through I which I plant seeds and pray that they will grow miraculously like a the rose that grew from concrete And will hopefully stand a monument to remind me that to take the time out to find the creativity. There are metaphors There are similes And I can write this poetry